Sometimes it’s best to show ID in seconds flat.
If you’re behind an arras, shout: “I’m not a rat!
I’m not King Claudius!—I have no ducat!
And I don’t look anything like Polonius!”
But if you’re in a courtroom in Venice
Where you’re mistaken for a legal maven
With an LLD from Padua (or New Haven)
Okay to kill time talking ’bout the weather
(Compare the fall of raindrops to… whatever).
Or if you have a most uncommon name,
Like Dromio, yet perfect strangers claim
You for their servant, everywhere you go
While your real master makes your backside glow;
Don’t let such trivial errors get you too upset:
Your next role may be Romeo (or Juliet)!
And if you’re in the dark awaiting the arrival
Of one who thinks he’s gonna bed your rival;
If what he cannot see doesn’t feel amiss—
It just goes to prove that ignorance is bliss:
All’s Well that Ends Well! But what an unchivalrous schmo—
Taking your virginity, while gasping the name of a no-show!
Oh: And call VISA without ado to request abatement
Should Falstaff’s bar tabs appear on your statement.